


Places In Time

by Reign90



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Baby Gay Alex Danvers, Declarations Of Love, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/F, Hurt Alex Danvers, Love, Love at First Sight, Oblivious Alex Danvers, Pandora's Box, Past Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Romance, Smut, mind wipe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:59:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reign90/pseuds/Reign90
Summary: Lilith has a secret.She’s in love with Alex Danvers but she has one secret that could ruin everything they have built.Insecure after centuries of hurt and torment, guilted over releases the sins of the world out with her curiosity, she found love with Alex Danvers.What will happen when the inevitable happens and Alex learns her secret?





	1. Chapter One - Hearts

There was one thing Lili didn't mind anymore and that was long dark mornings that seemed to drain the day of light. She didn't mind them because of one very important person.

 

Alex Danvers.

 

Lilith smiled a little her thoughts turning into one of mischief.

 

When Alex opened her dark brown eyes she looked down to see the crown of Lili's pretty purple-haired head, as she went down beneath the bedsheets and gave Alex a deep, deep vaginal licking. Lili's tongue was so far submerged in Alex that she couldn't talk, and made only happy wet slurping noises as she got to work.

 

Lili rolled her tongue inside the crevasse, twisting and turning trying to hit every angle imaginable.

 

Alex half moaned half yawned as she began to feel herself cumming in her lover's mouth. Lili savored the flavor.

 

When she was done with that she rose to meet her lover's lips in a good morning kiss.

 

"That's quite a wake-up call." Alex smiled through the kiss. "What did I do to deserve that?"

 

Lilith brought her lips harder against the other woman's and kissed her as though she were starved of Alex's lips, as though time had separated them. "I missed you." The woman whispered her soft silky whiskey voice was filled with emotion.

 

Alex smiled, threading her fingers through Lili's soft short trails of purple hair. "We haven't been apart." Her fingertips running over the rough skin of scars that cut across Lilith's both cheek. Angry claw marks that always made Alex feel the pain Lilith must have felt warning them. Although she'd never say how she got them and who gave them to her.

 

"I didn't dream of you tonight, it's been hours since I last saw your face. I missed you." Lili replied honestly her cheeks blushing red through her admission.

 

"You are so sweet."

 

"I love you," Lili admitted softly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth and biting.

 

"I hope so, else why the hell did I ask you to move in with me?" Alex joked until she felt Lili shift and move against her.

 

"Say it back, say the words." Lilith coaxed bending down to place open-mouthed kisses to her lover's neck, running her tongue across her soft sweet smelling skin. "Tell me." She whispered huskily in her ear. "You know I love to hear you say them."

 

Alex felt her toes curl, the sound of her girlfriend's words, she always seemed to need to hear the words, and always the sound of Lili asking to hear them felt oddly familiar.

 

"Say them," Lilith whispered again taking Alex's ear lobe between her teeth as her tongue slithered around the shell.

 

"I do say them, all the time. Stop teasing me." Alex tried to steady her breathing, she'd found herself a partner who was never afraid to open up to her, in fact, she was never afraid to say the things that were in her heart, Lili had been the first to mention the L word long before Alex felt the courage to do so. Alex always felt like she was three steps behind her lover.

 

"Say it again to me," Lilith whispered dangerously, moving her hand down under the covers to tease Alex move.

 

"Oh God, I lo..ve you." Alex breathed out in a shallow gasp at the feel of Lili's fingers sudden invasion. "I love you so damn much."

 

"You are so beautiful when you lose all your breath for me, I love watching you like this. I feel like I could watch your face for an eternity and never tire."

 

"You speak too much," Alex said trying to make a joke, it was hard to think, hard to form a sentence that made any sense but she knew Lilith liked to talk during sex.

 

"You're too beautiful, like a fallen angel too perfect for the heavens."

 

Alex felt emotion choke her. "Jeez if this is the reaction I get when I surprise you with a candlelight dinner I will continue to do it." She'd been so disappointed when she had pulled the meat from the oven and found it turned to charcoal. When Lili had then proceeded to devour each bit of dry, cold, and downright awful piece of food on her plate as though it were the most delicious thing she'd ever eaten, Alex had felt her heart swell so much that she felt afraid she would never be able to breathe again. "I still cannot believe you ate it and aren't suffering from it."

 

Lili looked into the eyes of the woman she loved, she'd never felt this way about anyone in her life, she'd have done anything not to make Alex sad, eating the food had been easy. She did it to see the smile she loved so much.

 

"Marry me?" Lili whispered, their eyes linked intensely, Lili's own blue orbs cast over with doubt as she waited.

 

Alex opened her mouth, shocked and stunned, she hadn't expected something like this so soon, she had wanted it at some point, she'd asked the woman to live with her, she wanted a future with her, but at this moment the words were robbed from her and her brain didn't work.

 

Taking the silence and uneasiness to Alex's sudden body language Lili took it to be negative. Pulling away and throwing herself from the bed she tried to swallow the bile that was rising in her throat and the ache in her heart.

 

"Wait..." Alex called after her.

 

"No, hey it's okay I get it you're not there yet, your always a few steps behind me I get it." Lili spat out more harshly than she had intended.

 

"What the hell does that mean?" Alex demanded.

 

"Just drop it," Lili said frustrated as she pulled on her pants and tried to exit the whole embarrassing conversation. What had she been thinking to even go there?

 

"No, we won't drop it what does it mean?" Alex persisted sitting up from her prone position in the bed.

 

Lilith took a deep breath letting out her annoyance, disappointment, and discomfort pulling at her. "It just always seems like your way behind, like I gotta pull you along." It broke her heart to say it but Lili felt she needed to say it. "If this isn't for you just say it, Alex, If I'm not for you please tell me. just Tell me I don't want to stay where I'm not wanted."

 

Alex furrowed her eyebrows angrily. It wasn't her fault Lilith had thrown that proposal at her clumsily, she hadn't expected it, hell she felt too overwhelmed. "Now wait a minute!"

 

"Just forget it, Alex, I'll be back to get my stuff later."

 

"What about the wake-up call?" Alex asked confused, how could the morning have begun with a mind-blowing orgasm and end like this? "You just propo...."

 

Lilith sniggered, her blue eyes looked dull. "Consider it goodbye I guess."

 

                                                                                                 xxx

 

Lilith leaned against the wall she'd come into the DEO to release some steam, kick some butt but after a string of DEO agents had seen her angry glare they had all politely and quickly declaimed her invitation.

 

The door opened with a creak. "There you are." His familiar voice spoke as he closed the door behind him and moved closer to the depressed woman.

 

"Hey, J'onn I'm not in the mood for a talk today."

 

J'onn shook his head, crouching down to sit next to the forlorn looking woman. "Tell me what's wrong?" Alex can't be that bad at cooking?

 

Lilith sighed, her eyes glued to the black boot that lay in front of her. "I broke up with Alex,"

 

J'onn frowned. "Lilith it's okay if she can't cook, I mean when does she ever get the chance to learn she's always working, well she was always working until you came along."

 

Lilith smiled remembering the surprise, her heart had swelled from her chest with love. "It was pretty bad, but I saw her face and I just couldn't disappoint her. I love her so much but I'm not sure she feels the same about me."

 

"Are you crazy? She asked you to move in with her Lili, this is Alex Danvers we are talking about. She loves you."

 

"I asked her to marry me," Lili whispered.

 

"Marriage, really and what did she say about that?" J'onn asked quietly his eyes taking in the sad expression on her face.

 

"Nothing." Lilith shrugged. "She just stared at me like I was the biggest loser on the planet."

 

J'onn grimaced. "You know for someone as old as you are you jump to conclusions very quickly."

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lilith shot back at him. "I've seen the darkest recesses of the evil minds that warp humanity and you tell me this, you insult me this way."

 

"No, calm down, I mean that what eats you up is guilt. You can't look forward unless you confront what you are hiding and what you left behind."

 

"I..how am I supposed to tell her?" Lilith asked a tear in her brown orbs.

 

J'onn smiled warmly, his fondness for the woman had been long-standing. When he had first arrived on Earth he had found himself one ally very soon in the form of one feisty kick-ass Greek woman with a huge heart. "You go and see her right now, and you tell her everything."

 

"What if she is angry?" Lili asked anxiously.

 

"Then she will be angry, but at least your conscience will be clear."

 

"And my heart will be utterly broken, I can't do it again J'onn, walk away, it will break me." Her voice creaked with emotion.

 

J'onn reached across and took the hand she had rested on her knee into his, his voice soft and caring he looked into her eyes. "It's the price you have to pay for being honest, if you love her, truly love her like I believe and know you do. You have to risk your whole heart for the chance of keeping her with no guilt or fear."

 

Lili felt the truth of his words hit her, if she wanted a forever with Alex then she needed to tell her everything. "Your right."

 

"Just explain it to her, she loves you it may hurt her but in time she will understand." J'onn reassures the woman. "You've had too much hurt you expect it to continue, sometimes you have to trust in someone else."

 

                                                                                  xxx

 

J'onn was right, she had to tell Alex everything, the whole truth and she couldn't hold anything back. This was adding to her guilt.

 

The good thing with working at the DEO with Alex was she didn't have to look very far for where she would be. Lilith rushes through the hallways recklessly trying to reach her destination in time as quickly as she could. J'onn was right she hadn't given Alex the chance to explain, and she needed to tell her the truth.

 

Scared but with hope in her heart Lili took a deep breath outside Alex's lab when suddenly her attention was drawn by the sound of voices.

 

Familiar voices.

 

"You are looking good, and I love the new haircut."

 

Lili frowned sneaking to catch a look through the window a rage of fire flowing through her as she saw an all too familiar woman standing too close to Alex, softly trailing her fingers over her red hair.

 

"I guess it's good to have it short, it behaves more." Alex chuckled, Lili hated to hear her girlfriend laugh with another woman, especially not this woman.

 

"It really does suit you, why didn't you do this when we were together, we could have had some fun with this." Maggie smiled flirting too much for Lilith's taste. Her fingers itched for her swords. Her heart beat hard as though it were trying to fend off the ache that was trying to grab a hold of it.

 

Bad horrible memories clenched at her as Lili tried to think rationally but everything made sense, why Alex was always one step behind her, why she wasn't so keen to accept her proposal.

 

Tears stung Lili's eyes but they failed to appear, centuries of heartbreak had made it easy to hold back the floodgates. It was harder this time., but in many ways, it seemed like poetic justice.

 

A sad smirk creased Lili's soft thin lips. "She still loves her Maggie." Of course, she does. 

 

Being a backup plan, a plan B was not a good feeling, there had been a time when Lili had hoped to recapture a lost feeling, to hold onto something she had lost, something she had reluctantly given up.

 

It was all gone, hope and love were not ever to be her friend, and Alex was always going to be destined to be someone else's.

 

For a moment Lilith let the tears fall, her hand blocking out the image of Maggie Sawyer the predatory smile she was aiming at Alex, her fingertip traced the warm smile Alex returned.

 

And her face isn't mangled with ugly scars, what the hell did someone like Alex Danvers ever see in me?

 

Was this the first time they had spoken? Had they met before now? Had Alex slept with her, had she wished that morning she'd woken up to Lilith's loving affections they had been given to her by Maggie Sawyer? Had she always wished it?

 

Lili pursed her lips and pulled away, the proposal was stupid, but Alex clearly wanted someone else, the woman she really and truly loved.

 

Selfless sacrifices were Lilith's forte in life, doomed to walk the earth in loneliness. Resigned she turned away when Alex returned to her apartment that night Lilith would be gone, and she could be free to do as her heart wished her.

 

Plan in place Lilith moved away quickly, J'onn's advise had meant nothing, and not did Lilith.

 

"So...is there anyone in your life?" Maggie asked awkwardly, talking with Alex seemed awkward and unreal now, as though they were two strangers.

 

Alex blushed but a smile spread across her face as she thought of her lover. "Actually, there is she's actually she proposed this morning."

 

Maggie blinked hard. "Proposed, already that's pretty quick."

 

Alex laughed. "Lili is pretty intense when she knows what she wants there is no stopping her."

 

"And she wants you," Maggie whispered.

 

Alex didn't hear the disappointment in the woman's voice, she didn't see the sadness in her brown eyes, instead, she smiled at the thought. Lili wants me, she wants me really badly. "I want her too."

 

"I'm glad you are happy."

 

Alex smiled happily. "I'm glad too after we broke up I thought I'd never meet someone, I thought I'd forever be stuck in this world where I had no one, this loneliness and then when I wasn't expecting it, there she was like an answered prayer I never even knew I made."

 

"Now you have," Maggie said softly. "I..it's going to be stupid to ask but does she..I mean..does she want children too?"

 

Alex recalled the moment she had felt her heart really burst for joy, sat on her couch it was supposed to have been a date but Kara has turned up upset, so all three of them had ended up watching a really awful episode of America's Got Talent, Alex could still remember the words Lili had uttered as they'd watched the little boy dance awkwardly on the stage.

 

"Who the hell would do that to their child? Humiliate him for five minutes of fame, there is no way in hell I'd ever do that to my child."

 

"She does."

 

"Oh, well that was what you wanted a family, with children you can get that dog now too," Maggie said sadly.

 

The fact that Lilith had been so accepting of Kara too had been a huge factor, there seemed to be no jealousy of the time they spent together as sisters, in fact, if anything Lili encouraged it and pushed for it. Alex has learned for Lili Family was important even though she never talked about her own.

 

"Yes, That is the plan." I just need to find a way to propose to her, it's gotta be perfect to make up for this morning.


	2. Chapter Two - Revelations

Lily quickly picked up all of the garments that were hers and piled them into her bag. Her aim was to leave as quickly as she could wipe all traces of her existence from Alex's life.

 

Lilith smirked at the irony, no matter what happened it was impossible to clear her mind of the impression that Alex Danvers had left on her life. She was the gentle breeze during a long hot day, she was the soft fall of cold rain in a dry desert, the single shining star among the bland darkness of a starless night. That first magical touch of a snowflake that falls from the sky.

 

Lilith knew forgetting Alex was not possible, she'd tried that once before and she had failed. Hell, she'd felt her heartbreak as she walked away.

 

Consumed in her packing she wasn't aware of the door to the apartment opening, and Alex skipping through happily a skip in her step and a big bag of Thai food in her hands she had managed to smuggle past Kara.

 

"Hey Lily I got dinner, I got the Thai green curry you love with the glass noodles, you know the owner adores you so you can have anything you want, I'm kinda jealous I think she's a little in love with yo.. what is going on?" Alex asked as she was finally faced with her departing lover.

 

Lily took a deep breath and shrugged, it was time for the act. Time to pretend she didn't care when really what was left of her heart was bleeding into her soul with devastating effect. "I did tell you this morning."

 

"Bu...bu..but you said you love me," Alex replied softly, confused and feeling utterly foolish for grasping so hard onto her bag of food. "And I thought you were just being over dramatic but here you are..." leaving me.

 

Lily swallows hard. "I always mean everything I say."

 

"Except when you told me you loved me and you'd never leave me, what the hell is this?" Alex finally shouted her confusion turning from disbelief to anger.

 

Pride stopped Lilith from explaining what her heart ached to say. "It's time to move on."

 

"Like hell, it is, where the hell are you going? And why would you move in with me if you would leave?"

 

It was time, Lily knew the thing she had to do was tell Alex everything, only then would she be able to walk away freely. Let Alex continue and be happy with the real reason her heartbeat, even when it so obviously could not be Lilith herself.

 

Lifting crystal clear blue eyes so filled with trouble and sadness Lilith took a deep breath. "There are many things you do not know about me. You know what I can do you've seen it while I've been at the DEO. There is so much more to me."

 

"Tell me," Alex whispered feeling her heart sink.

 

"You know of the story, of how all the sins were released into the world?"

 

Alex shrugged." Not well."

 

Lily smiled sadly, looking down at her open bag and running her fingertip gently along the zipper. "I know it very well, you see Alex I was that girl, I was she who disobeyed and was too curious. I opened the lid and the demons flew out."

 

Alex scoffed what was she talking about? That couldn't be true. Could it?

 

Lilith nodded. "I lived with my mother Elena in a modest house just in the Edge Of our village in Macedonia, I was married very young my husband was a soldier in the Kings army, he was killed while I was pregnant with my son Lélex."

 

"Your son?" Alex gasped out in shock.

 

Lilith fought the tears and nodded. "My son, I was responsible for his death, I alone was responsible for his demise his own mother, you see my mother was a healer she sent me out into the woods to forage for berries to put in a medicine. She warned me not to stray from the path, yet something compelled me to, something drew me away from the path and I was too weak to ignore the temptation." Lilith's eyes met Alex's. "I found a skull in the magical trees that shone a mystical glow that intrigued me, I wondered whether it was that of a God it was so inhuman like, yet as I held it in my hands they flew out."

 

"What flew out?"

 

"The seven deadly sins, I was immature child, just twenty-two years old, I knew nothing beyond the borders of our town, and here I was confronted by the sins." The memory though old still sat in her mind like it happened yesterday day. Lilith lifted a finger to touch the scars on her face, Alex found her eyes tracing each movement wishing she could comfort her now. "Something happened I grew overwhelmed or whatever because suddenly I was unconscious and the next thing I remember I am waking up hours later, it's the next day in fact. I ran as fast as I could back home but what I found there turned my stomach and chilled me to my core. The spirits of the sins had worked their magic well, the village had distorted and perverted our peaceful way of life. Brothers had murdered the other, sons had slain father and my son...." Lilith's voice caught with the pain. The memory and the knowledge of his demise were still too strong to think of.

 

Alex anticipating what she would say she stepped forward to comfort her but Lilith held her hands out.

 

"I do not need pity."

 

"I don't offer pity," Alex replies firmly.

 

"My son, just a child of six years old possessed by the spirit of Wrath, I could not save him I was his mother and I killed him."

 

"You could not have known what would happen." Alex tried to reassure her.

 

"I ignored people wiser than I, There was a reason my mother warned me. A reason my Grandmother warned her."

 

"What happened next?" Alex asked finally putting the bag of food down on the side.

 

Lilith frowned. "The village was in chaos blood and death everywhere. I was summoned to the

Circle of Eternity called one of the greatest transgressors mankind has ever known and was being punished for my crime. My punishment was to be forced to walk the world for eternity to experience the pain I'd wrought by releasing the spirits of evil upon man, as well as receiving scars on to face that would burn without relief." They burned at that moment.

 

Alex wanted to cry, she wanted to throw her arms around the woman and hold her tightly, take away all of her pains and keep her safe.

 

The pain was her friend now, her constant companion in a strange and unyielding world. "When I returned to Earth, everyone in my village was dead and their spirits long gone. So I buried them and sat among their graves until trees grew over them, then I commenced to walk the world alone. Over the ages, I saw the effect the spirits had on people, and I attempted to save people from the destruction they wrought, but soon realized that for every life I saved, the spirits would still kill many more. " it had been an unwinnable situation. The craving to help purify everything that she had helped pollute never seemed to help.

 

Alex couldn't hold herself back anymore ignoring Lilith's words and actions she moved forward and took her into her arms, although she struggled Lilith never moved away the desire to be close to the woman she loved was too great, the torture was just a small addition to what she had already endured.

 

"I changed to providing counsel for the people of the world, though I was often ignored and mocked. All the while, the spirits would appear to me periodically, mocking me by calling me their "mother" and attempting to turn me into supporting them. It never worked." The shame of Alex knowing her secrets were too great and yet this was just the beginning, the worst and most damning news would soon be released and then Alex would lose the pretense.

 

Cupping her cheeks in her hands Alex fought the tears as emotion clogged her throat. "Don't leave, please it wasn't your fault I love you."

 

Lilith smiled sadly, her eyes glassy with tears. "It's okay Alex, I understand I really do. You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

 

"I'm not lying."

 

"Alex, Ah my dear sweet beautiful Alex, I saw you and my heart stopped beating. I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I remember that day so well the summer's sun casting a golden haze upon your long brown hair, You smiled and I saw the foolish inadequate sun scowl in jealous envy."

 

Alex frowned her eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "When did you ever seen me with long hair? When we met I already had short hair and it was reddish, not brown."

 

Lilith knew this was the moment, the time. It was time to rip off the band-aid and let her go.

 

"You know I knew J'onn he is an old and dear friend, but you do not know how long we have been friends. We met soon after he arrived here, he was distraught with loss and I feared he would be lost to the spirits. His anger was great but his sorrow greater when those two things are mixed it can be dangerous. So I befriended him, you know this next bit that we remain friends still to this day."

 

"Yes I know it, where are you going with this?" Alex asked suspiciously.

 

Lilith pulled out of Alex's arms. "We did not first meet a few months ago at the DEO."

 

"What the hell are you talking about of course we did," Alex said enthusiastically and yet something troubled her, as though she suddenly felt something missing.

 

Lilith shook her head slowly. "No, no we didn't."

 

Alex's stomach churned dangerously. "What are you talking about?"

 

This was the moment the big moment. "June 14th, 2010 means nothing to you but to me, it is branded on my mind." And heart.

 

Alex frowned the date meant nothing she was studying at University had a dumb boyfriend she had just dumped. Yet something seemed lost, missing as she often felt when she found her mind trying to recall something she failed to find.

 

In the coldest most detached tone Lily could find She leveled her cool blue eyes at Alex and let out the blunt unforgiving truth. "I had J'onn wipe your mind of any trace of me or what we had in the time we were together then."

 

"What?" Alex asked in disbelief her voice shaky and out of tone, this couldn't be right something was happening.

 

Lilith nodded, "It was a beautiful day in National City......"

 

June 14th, 2010

The sun flowed down from his mighty spot in the soft light blue sky it was still soft compared to her childhood in Macedonia. The street was empty of most people, instead, they lounged on the beaches and soaked up the rays like a sponge absorbs water.

 

In the middle of the street for a moment Lilith found herself closing her eyes and lifting her head up to the heavens, people stared she knew it, but no one was able to resist taking a second look at her scared face.

 

Her mind raced back to a youth so long ago she wondered whether Is was all a dream, just an invention of her mind. Running through the dusty streets with her long-dead friends, basking in the warmth of her Grandmother's presence as she sat on a chair and told her stories of long ago.

 

Her cheeks burned, Lilith hissed silently as she brought her head back down to earth and as she opened her eyes her gaze fell on her.

 

Sitting outside the cafe, long brown golden hair illuminated by the sun hung down her back as a gentle hand came to push the strands of hair behind her ear, her attention lost in a book her expression filled with awe and concentration.

 

Lilith had seen demons, she had seen angels, she's eyed the most beautiful nymphs and she'd come face to face with Gods but never in her whole life had she ever seen anyone such as this lovely woman.

 

Her hands come to touch her cheeks, the ugly scars that marred them stung, reminding her that even if the beautiful woman would accept the flotation of another woman, she would not want such an ugly grotesque creature as Lilith was.

 

Something strong pulled her near, telling herself she could walk past her. Take in the scent just one time before she left Lilith found herself walking towards the young woman, the closer she got the more lovely she became.

 

Suddenly as she moved behind her the woman unexpectedly pushed her chair back and stood up, in doing so colliding with Lilith and sending her hurtling to the ground.

 

"Oh Gosh, I am so sorry!" The woman gasped as she shot down to the ground. "I didn't see you there and...." The brown-haired woman's voice trailed off as her eyes met Lilith's ethereal crystal clear blue eyes so caught in their spell Lilith mistook her attention for staring at her scars.

 

Flustered she jumped up. "It is fine do not worry."

 

The woman blushed red. "I am such a clutch sometimes people think that is only my sister, it is not." Her smile was wide and beautiful white teeth hidden behind pink luscious enticing lips.

 

"I said don't worry," Lilith said again harshly.

 

"Your accent, it's not from around here is it?"

 

"No."

 

"Are you from Europe? I've always wanted to go to Europe." The woman said excitedly.

 

Lilith felt her heart shout out loudly. Declare that she would take her to every European city that existed, Lilith wanted to see her smile at every sight. Kiss her with a explorers tongue. "I am Greek, somehow you Americans seem to think Europe is one big country," Lilith replied grumpily. J'onn was late for their meeting but right now she hoped that he would be a little later.

 

"I'm sorry I am aware though that Europe is a continent and not a single country."

 

"Good."

 

"I feel so bad about hitting you please let me buy you a coffee." The woman asked earnestly.

 

Lilith frowned. "I don't like coffee."

 

"A tea then, or something else." Alex didn't understand why she was reluctant to let the strange woman leave, and yet she was. Her blue eyes were of a shade Alex had never witnessed before, her hair a shade of purple that stood out as velvet as it was pulled up neatly above her head. Big sensuous red lips drew Alex's attention.

 

"Okay, you can get me a glass of ice water."

 

"Okay, I'm Alex, by the way, Alex Danvers." Alex smiled holding her hand out, Lilith reluctantly reached forward to take her hand and when she did both gasped as their eyes met, a spark of electricity sizzled between them.

 

"I'm ...Err ...Lily."

 

"Lily, such a beautiful name." Alex smiled wondering why she felt the need to say something like that. Was she flirting? Or at least trying to flirt.

 

Lilith shrugged, she'd not used her birth name for many centuries Pandora would always be remembered for one thing. "Thanks, I guess."

 

Lilith cautiously followed Alex to a chair and sat down making sure to sit a safe distance away from the attractive woman, when Alex had ordered and Lilith's ice cool glass of water sat in front of her half drunk, they'd gone through spots of silence cut with small talk.

 

Lilith noticed Alex blushed a lot, too much a strange feeling was beginning to overwhelm her. Could Alex Danvers like her scars and all?

 

Alex stared at Lilith in shock, if this was true Lilith had lied to her, Hell J'onn had lied to her and they had violated her rights over her own memories. "I can't believe this."

 

"Believe it," Lilith replied coolly.

 

"And we dated?" Alex felt like a fool for asking such a stupid question.

 

Lilith nodded.

 

"And did we...You know do more than date?" Alex felt like an utter fool.

 

"Yes," Lilith confirmed.

 

"I thought Maggie was my first.," Alex whispered to herself with utter disbelief.

 

Lilith felt the stab of her words. "Yeah, I guessed."

 

Alex felt anger growing now, her blood boiling with rage. "You actually act so innocent and hurt when I lost a part of my life, fucking hell I lost my realization of who I really was!"

 

"It was for your own good." Lilith tried to soothe Alex's growing anger.

 

"My own good, who the hell do you think you are to decide that for me?" Alex raged her face red raw with emotion.

 

"The one who had to let you go, I'm the one who had to know I was losing you, the one who knew all my memory would be lost from your mind and your heart." Lilith cried back, tears now forming in her blue orbs. "I'm the one who had to choose to save you when I knew I was breaking my own heart."

 

"I don't feel sorry for you, I went through hell and you are telling me I already endured it."

 

Lilith could feel the break, this was it the moment she'd been building to, so Alex could go freely without guilt to the woman she really loved. "The heart is a strange thing, really it's just a muscle to pump blood around the body it has nothing to do with another person and how you feel about them. Yet somehow it's associated as such, I can't explain it when I met you I didn't expect to fall so damn hard, I forgot for a moment I was not normal."

 

Alex sneered running her hand through her hair. "You need to leave now!"

 

Lilith smiled picking up her bag now filled with her little belongings. "Goodbye Alex, I wish you well I am sorry I had to do what I did but maybe it was best you forgot me. I feel my mistake was coming back."

 

Without another word, Lilith walked past Alex and to the door, just as she was about to open it Alex called. "You've lived so long, how could you have expected a life with me?"

 

Barely turning Lilith smiled sadly. "When my reason for protecting you was dealt with, I went to the circle they'd offered my pardon many times before, yet this time I accepted. My sad story will finally end one day and I am glad I can be at peace for the first time since I left my mother's home that fateful day. I wanted a life with you, I came back here."

 

"You came back, when?"

 

"It matters not, I remember standing outside your apartment so happy, I was so scared too my fingers shook I hoped we could meet like we had the first time and somehow your heart would remember me," Lilith remembered sadly. "I saw you stumble from the door, hair shorter than before but still the same beautiful smile I felt like I couldn't breathe and for a small moment our eyes met across the distance my heart danced a foolish jig of hope, then my world ended the storm clouds appeared I saw you smiled for someone else." And it wasn't me.

 

"Maggie." Alex filled in the gaps.

 

"Yes, I was too late, I had risked it all to save you and I ended up alone on the other side of the street as she spun you around, your giggle of joy filled the air around me like a painful taunt, and she kissed you." The image was still burned into Lilith's mind. "My punishment returned the spirits teasing me more. So I went to J'onn and asked, I give myself more misery by asking. Engaged he said, Alex, is engaged to the love of her life."

 

Alex felt the ache in her heart grow bigger.

 

Lilith leveled her blue eyes with Alex's brown ones. "I walked away that day angry I'd given up immortality I'd bowed to the circle and it was all for nothing."

 

"But you came back again," Alex whispered.

 

Lilith nodded. "I did, J'onn needed me, he is a good man, the best of men that I have ever encountered in my long years. Even my own battered heartache was not enough for me to say no to him. So I came, I expected to find you as a Mrs. You have no idea how much illation flowed through me when I learned the truth, I saw a chance, I felt hope again."

 

"You lied to me."

 

"I'd die before I hurt you, Alex, it's why I'm letting you go again. This time you can forget me on your own terms, be happy with your Maggie, I saw you together today, you had that smile again, I got it, I understood so many things, I understood that I wasn't the one for you, you may be the one who makes my heart soar, but I am not that for you. That she is the one for you. I hope you get all you desire." With those final words, Lilith was out the door and gone.

 

Alex watched the door, her eyes filling with tears the shock and the anger mixing with sadness, so many emotions confused her until all she could think of was Lilith not being there. Lilith leaving an empty hole in her heart.


	3. Pastimes

Alex had shifted and turned in her bed, suddenly it was too big, it was too uncomfortable, it was too cold. Eventually, she gave up trying to sleep it was a pointless endeavor that just left her more and more frustrated.

 

Instead, she'd jumped on the back of her bike and headed to J'onn's he seemed like the only other person she could get a clear answer from. It had only been a few hours since Lili had left she couldn't have left already, at least Alex hoped she hadn't left already.

 

The redhead was still angry but her heart still called for Lilith.

 

J'onn had grumpily opened the door his dark brown eyes glaring at his friend. "What time do you call this Alex I was in bed."

 

Alex blinked back the emotion. "She left me."

 

"What," J'onn asked his sleepy brain still not in full working order after being abruptly awoken by Alex and her pounding at his door.

 

"Lili, she's gone," Alex repeated frantically.

 

J'onn frowned. "And you don't know why?"

 

"Of course I know why she damn well told me, how could you keep that away from me J'onn, we are friends, we are more than that we are family."

 

Taking a seat on his couch J'onn patted the empty space next to him. "When I first met Lilith I'd been here on Earth only a very short time, I was mourning the loss of my family, the loss of my home I'd lost all hope and yet Lilith saw something in me, I looked into her eyes and saw a mirror of pain being reflected back at me."

 

"She lost her son," Alex said sadly, she was still haunted by hearing the emptiness in Lilith's voice when she'd told her about her son.

 

J'onn nodded. "She understood a father's grief as I understood her mother's grief, she eventually continued on her journeys looking for something she didn't quite understand, trying to fix what she had let loose, but we were always in touch." J'onn sighed sadly. "We'd meet up, get together and talk be each other's counseling session if you will, the day she came to meet me that was when she first met you." J'onn stood up to get himself a strong drink, holing the glass out to Alex in a silent question.

 

Alex nodded accepting the glass of whiskey.

 

"Lilith was always reclusive when it came to partners I'm sure she had a few but she never spoke about them and she never let me meet any, then suddenly out of the blue she comes to lunch and starts smiling, actually smiling I've seen her smile before, though it's rare this smile was like nothing I'd ever seen her wear before." J'onn grinned at the memory as he took a sip from his glass. "I think she described you so well I could see you in my mind's eye, she was smitten quickly and that just deepened."

 

"How did she come to ask you to wipe my mind then?" Alex asked sounding more aggressive than she wanted to. She winced at the tone.

 

J'onn pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Do you know how hard it was for her Alex? She spent thousands of years dodging the dark side, pursuing the idea to solve what she had caused, lift her curse in doing it she caught the eye of another immortal, he was the most evil of them all Vandal Savage. Pursued Lilith for hundreds of years just to have her powers, they were something he could only dream of. One night you'd just had a date at a restaurant ...."

 

Alex laughed heartily as Lili pushed her against the door, the brunette pulling the taller woman into her arms and holding her captive as their lips met in a fiercely passionate kiss. Alex's hands fisted in Lilith's purple hair unwilling to let her go.

 

"You know I can't stay tonight." Lili laughed her lips only half breaking away from her lovers.

 

"Forget your meeting, stay with me," Alex said through their kiss, pushing her body seductively closer trying to get her girlfriend to give in and change her mind.

 

Lilith let out a pained groan. "Damn your sexy ass."

 

"You know you'll only miss me if you leave." Alex purred.

 

"You know I can never resist you, this is playing dirty Ms. Danvers."

 

"I would like to say more playing to my advantages." Alex smiled.

 

Lili let out a moan. "I can't, I want to I wish I could but I cannot."

 

"Oh."

 

"Tomorrow night you and I could go away, some quiet romantic place just the two of us. You don't have exams do you?" Lilith asked hopefully.

 

Alex shook her head, biting her bottom lip. "No, none I'd love that."

 

"I have to go now, don't go forgetting me," Lili spoke sadly.

 

Alex smiled lifting her hand to Lili's scared left cheek. "Oh Lili, there is nothing and no one that would make me forget you."

 

Lilith smiled brightly, hope shining in her heart for the first time in a very long time.

 

With one quick last kiss Lilith turned away and exited the hallway, while exiting the building, the cold night air biting around her Lilith glimpsed a familiar unwelcome grin.

 

"Well hello, my dear sweet Pandora..oh wait no you do not use that name anymore." The dark haired man shushed himself mockingly his finger placed over his lips.

 

Lilith growled in her chest. "What the hell are you doing here Savage?"

 

The man smiled arrogantly, rubbing his dark beard. "I see you have yourself a pretty little bit of arm candy, she is pretty, not a stunner mind you but your taste has always verged on plain as opposites to beauty."

 

"Shut your evil mouth before I shit it for you!" Lilith lifted he hand ready to hurl her spell of magic if he continued, it wasn't an ideal place to act on such violence being out in the open for all to see, but she would do it if she had to.

 

Savage laughed bending over backward to exaggerate his amusement. "It occurs to me I've never seen you like this, I believe I've found my leverage after all of this time. What did I tell you about love Pandora, it'll kill you or more accurately I'll kill her."

 

Alex gasped. "But..."

 

"Lilith didn't go to her meeting, she came straight to me. You see she needed to leave, and she needed to make sure she remained gone totally erased so it reduced the risk of Savage ever getting to you." J'onn explained cutting Alex off.

 

Alex listened astounded, none of it seemed real and yet something, something deep in the furthest reaches of her heart and soul some sense of familiarity was lurking.

 

"I wiped your memory of all traces of Lilith, she had to leave and I saw the pain in her eyes again, a new ghost to haunt her."

 

"But she came back," Alex whispered.

 

"She did, Savage met an untimely end and she felt free, she went to the circle and accepted their reprieve at last, and slipped back to National City, sadly she didn't tell me before she did it, she felt so damn sure you'd be there waiting for her, like you felt something was missing and needed to fill it." J'onn shrugged emotionally. "I only knew she was back when she turned up at my door, tears in her eyes. I had to tell her everything and explain. Lilith left again straight away she asked that I never ask her here again but after my father...I needed to see her, needed her counsel."

 

Alex found herself smiling. "And I found her again."

 

"Alex, Lilith was afraid she'd lose you, she was afraid that she would lose someone she loved again, so to save you she had to lose you anyway, at least in her way you would live, it just meant forgetting her." J'onn leveled sympathetic soulful eyes on his friend. "Don't let her go, Alex, if you love her, love her like I know you love her. Don't let her walk away again, don't miss more time she doesn't have an eternity now, and whether you knew it or not, but you carried her heart around with you. She gave you possession of it and lost it forever, maybe you are livid, maybe your anger will last a while. Don't let her go, Alex, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

 

Like lightning, Alex jumped off the sofa and shot to the door. "Bye J'onn thanks!"

 

J'onn shook his head. "Can't say life is ever dull with those two around."

 

                                                                                       xxx

 

It was only when Alex rushed down to her bike that she realized she had no idea where to find Lilith.

 

"Crap." Running her hands through the short strands of her hair her mind tried to come up with places that Lilith would be, her apartment she'd let go when she had moved in with Alex and was already taken, the only friend she had was J'onn and she wasn't there.

 

Alex took a deep breath an aching sadness filling her chest, Lilith really was all alone in the world and she had been for a hell of a long time.

 

Why hadn't she asked J'onn? Why hadn't she just ran after Lilith and stopped her from leaving, the answer was simple she had been so blinded by anger and hurt that she had only thought of herself.

 

The only solution seemed to be to drive around the city and check the places they had loved to spend time together.

 

With quirky determination, Alex slopes her helmat over her head and jumped on the back of her bike, revved her engine and sped away.

 

Alex tried all the places she could think of, the pier they had walked down hand in hand so many times, the hotel they'd ended up staying the night at after a dinner date Lilith had surprised her with, the DEO even just on the off chance that Lili had gone to do work to forget her troubles yet Alex had found nothing and no one had seen her.

 

After hours Alex was exhausted and forlorn, her feet aching and her head aching Alex stepped through the door to her apartment, closing her eyes as she leaned back against the door.

 

A shift sounded and Alex quickly turned her head in the direction, her eyes bursting out of their sockets. "Lili!"

 

Lilith hid her surprise at seeing Alex fall through the door, the dark circles under her eyes troubled Lili though. "I forgot something," Lilith replied stiffly.

 

Alex felt her heart drop again. "Oh, so you will be leaving."

 

"Yes."

 

Alex took a deep breath as Lilith walked past her, taking in the scent she loved, the smell she found comforting and this time Alex couldn't let Lili leave, instead, she grabbed a hold of her and looked deep into her eyes, lined with red Alex saw now, red from crying. "Don't leave."

 

"I have to, you will thank me one day," Lilith replied her voice empty of any emotion, it was as though she'd cried it all away.

 

"You are wrong, I will never thank you for leaving me, I can't thank you for the first time and I won't do it again, the only difference is this time I have a say. I can tell you not to go, not to leave, never leave me, Lilith, not ever." Alex said, her brown eyes filled with tears.

 

Lilith smiled sadly, Alex recognized the look she'd seen it hours before and she did not like it. Lifting a gentle hand to cup Alex's cheek Lilith. "It may seem bad now, but once I leave you can and will forget all about me."

 

Alex clenched onto Lilith's hand hard afraid that she would lose her love. "I don't know what you think you know, or why you think it but it's not true. Lili when I saw you for the 'first' time I felt that somehow I knew you, Kara said it must have been some memory of a past life thing, she'd been watching some questionable tv shows at the time, but what if...what if somewhere inside me you could never be erased."

 

Lilith took a deep breath trying to ignore the small flicker of hope that had grown in her. "You say it now, you just are trying to.."

 

"No, I have proof, our second date we went to that really small and cute Greek restaurant, and I was so nervous I kept blushing the whole time and my fingers shook really badly I couldn't hold the knife and I looked across the table into your eyes and said..."

 

"You said you thought you'd known me before in some other time, in some other place..." Lilith trailed off with a breathy whisper.

 

Alex smiled. "I was angry, I still am angry Lili but it isn't because I don't want you, I'm angry because the thought of being without you makes me feel sick."

 

"Bu..."

 

"I don't know what you think you know, or what started this belief in you that I would be better off without you, but it is misguided," Alex said earnestly.

 

"I saw you with her, you smiled as I saw you that day with her an..."

 

"Oh my God are you joking? I was telling her about you, Lilith listen to me we were talking about you." Alex picked up her voice suddenly seeing a clearing in her dark rain cloud. "Every word was about you, Lili the smile was me thinking and talking about you."

 

Lilith didn't want to believe it, she couldn't believe that after so very long someone could finally love and want her, especially when that person was as wonderful as Alex Danvers. "How can you want me?"

 

"How could I not want you?" Alex replied back with certainty. "You are everything Lilith, I talked with J'onn I know everything I know you did what you did to save me, you do that a lot sacrifice yourself for someone else, your heart is so big, so many awful things happened to you and yet you never let your heart shrink, I think it grew and after everything it just makes me love and respect you even more. If you leave now you will just be hurting us both, because I'm not going to find anyone else Maggie or whoever the hell you think will come along, I will follow you everywhere."

 

"I think stalking is illegal," Lilith smirked.

 

"Yeah it is, But I don't care unless you intend to leave so you can shack up with someone else." Alex pulled away, hiding her own smirk of satisfaction when Lilith grabbed her and pulled her closer into her.

 

"Never!"

 

"Oh really, how can I be so sure about that?" Alex asked. "You want to leave me, remember? I even have this to prove my intentions." Alex pointed across to a small box that sat on the kitchen counter, Lilith's eyes followed Alex's hand and when her eyes landed on the box she let out a loud gasp.

 

"Is that.."

 

"It's what you think it is." Alex smiled. "While you were brooding and making up reasons in your head why you should leave I was shopping for wedding rings.

 

"What," Lilith asked confused, this moment had seemed so surreal, she'd come to pick up her keys she had left behind and now Alex was proposing to her.

 

Taking hold of Lilith's hand Alex moved across to take a hold of the box, so scared that Lili would run, she had to keep her with her and away from the door at all cost. "Lili, I'm still mad with you for running, thinking I could be so easily led astray and also the worst bit realizing I found out who I really was a few years ago only to have it all suppressed again, But I'm not so angry that I know I can't do what I have wanted to do for a little while now. I just had to get you to move in here to build up my courage." 

 

Lilith watched with wide eyes as Alex went down on one knee before her, opening the box to reveal a simple yet beautiful purple diamond ring. 

 

"I chose purple to match your hair." Alex smiled. "Marry me, I know I come with baggage, I have a crazy mother and a sister who eats everything in our fridge, steals our take away pizzas, and never shares her potstickers but I love you and I really don't want anyone else. Tell me the things we did that I have lost, let us live them again together and be happy. Let yourself be happy finally, please?"

 

A silence stretched all around them as Alex anxiously looked up into Lili's hooded eyes, a slight uncertainty lay in them. Alex began to fear that nothing she could say would take Lilith's fear away, because Lili did not want to believe. She had been so long along and in pain, she did not know how to be happy and settled. 

 

Slowly a small smile creased along Lili's soft lips. "This is an interesting position to find you in." 

 

"Are you kidding me right now?" Alex shrieked. "I'm being romantic and you have your mind in the gutter."

 

"No one said the two things couldn't be mutually exclusive Alex." Lili laughed as she pulled Alex up from her kneeling position. "I missed you at every moment we were apart when I saw you happy with someone else I had to tell myself you were better of, that fate sometimes is never in one's own favor. We aren't all going to get a happy ending."

 

"I want mine now with you," Alex said firmly. "Marry me."

 

"Okay, you convinced me." 

 

"Look at you acting like you don't declare your love to me every damn day." Alex smiled moving closer to the red-cheeked woman. "How is it you chose me? I'm no one special, why did you choose me?"

 

Lilith cupped Alex's face in her hands "Oh Alex, I never chose you, my heart did and I have been dragged along by its craving to be by your side ever since. I am a willing passenger in its pursuit. If you listen carefully you can hear it purring now."

 

"I'm glad I did the proposing because your lines are getting cornier by the day," Alex smirked taking Lili's lips with her own in a hard passionate embrace. Things weren't over Alex knew that they had a lot to discuss and resolve about their past together, but there was a future for them and that made Alex's own heart purr.


End file.
